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“He who seeks revenge should dig two graves” – Chinese Proverb I have a client who calls me periodically about an ex-boyfriend who she dreams of exacting revenge upon. I feel sorry for this client as I do not feel this ex-boyfriend of hers will ever come back and that her fantasy of revenge will never be carried out. This client is only hurting herself by fantasizing about her vengeance towards this ex as he is living his life without thinking about the perceived hurt he has caused her. In my younger years, I hated a family member so much that I wanted them to live in the hell that I was putting myself through (although I did not know I was inflicting this personal hell on myself at the time). This family member had abused me and the memories were flooding back into my soul. I was at a turning point…do I forgive this person or do I continue to harbor resentment, hurt, pain, frustration, hatred and revenge…oh yes I wanted revenge! I fantasized hurting this person as much as I perceived the hurt this person had put me through. As I processed the abuse of my childhood from this particular family member, I realized I was only hurting myself. I was digging the two graves the Chinese proverb counsels us about. If I didn’t cut it out that grave would be closer than I could have ever imagine! Another family member and I were having lunch together one summer day. This family member does not realize or understand why the other family member who abused me and the reason to why I do not get along with them. When I talked to this family member at lunch that day, she told that this particular family member has a horrible marriage and this person’s children are either drug addicts or alcoholics. In that moment, I felt a bit of compassion for this individual. I realized my life was not nearly as messed as this abusive family member’s life and that I did not need to exact revenge on this person. I left that lunch feeling sorry for this abusive family member. Today, I continue to pray for this person. This abusive family member may never get the help they need to or even be aware of the damage that they have done. I know in my heart it is up to me to forgive this person not only for them but to free me as well. I want to be free to enjoy a life full of peace, joy, and harmony!
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