Chasing the "BAD BOY" Blues
In the past I have had numerous requests to blog about this subject. I decided to attempt to cover this phenomena but I know that we will have many more discussions about this topic because it applies to a lot of questions my clients and the clients on Keen approach us with in a reading.
Why do women chase after the "bad boys" in life? There are numerous reasons and there are too many to count in one blog. Doesn’t make any sense, does it? We’ve all done it at one time or another. We whine to our friends about the lack of nice available guys, and then, when given the choice between a nice, sweet, (safe & boring) guy and a bad boy who makes our toes curl, we invariably go for the toe-curler. This is a heartbreak-waiting-to-happen!
When a bunch of women get together and talking about the new "hottie" they are dating they don't use terms like " Oh, he's a kind, honest, nice and loyal type of guy from a good family...he attends church and that really turns me on." Instead the general talk is more like: "He is a Bad Boy" .."He’s sexy“… "There's chemistry between us"..."I really feel something for him" and he is such a delicious "Bad Boy". He instantly makes me feel sexy, etc."
Nearly all women go through some period in their lives when they’re swept up by a bad boy. You all know the type: The neighborhood hunk with the sleeveless t-shirts riding the black Harley and sporting the ponytail. The guy that makes us all feel like the center of the Universe and then puts the moves on our best friend when we go to the kitchen or bathroom type of guy. We all can see these guys coming from a mile away but the odds are we all have chased after them for a time in our lives.
Part of us believe we can be the women that will turn this wild man into a pussycat! We buy into the myth that if he is with a "good women" he will change and be a good man syndrome. Well nothing can be further from the truth believe me.
A few women actually grow out of the bad-boy phase once we hit our late twenties. Our girlfriends start to couple off, and we start wondering if we used up our nice guy quota in college when we were still torturing men for sport. That’s where you come in, Mr. Sweet Guy. Because you’re the guy we really want for the long haul.
Bad Boys do seem to have their appeal -- until it's too late and a woman is stuck in a relationship with one of them and mortgaging her house to bail him out of jail yet again. Or worse yet having to get into a Battered Women's shelter because he is so violent that it is not safe for her to live unprotected.
There is no shortage of theories why we like 'em. Bad boys are provocative and daring; that always seems appealing.
They stir up excitement, which seems like fun to be around.
One take with an evolutionary twist has good women falling for bad boys because they seem to display some qualities (like strength) that may have been needed in our prehistoric past for achieving high status -- but unfortunately, they lack the full range of qualities that are likely to lead to success in today's much more complex world (intelligence, inventiveness, social skills, perseverance, behavioral flexibility).
Whatever the reason, bad boys do serve a valuable object lesson for us all. They instruct us that niceness is desirable but generally not sufficient for attracting a potential partner. People of both genders prefer others who are interesting and even exciting -- as well as nice.
Most girls have been raised to be "good girls". On the inside are emotions she's been repressing for years. She wants to experience the darkness and sexiness in life and that's where a "Badboy" comes into her world. Here is where she experiments in the excitement and edginess of these men. Little does she know that this is the "Heartbreak Waiting to Happen".
Self assured? Supportable? Strong minded, able bodied... these are all characteristics that are more pronounced in the dominant male form.... dating back to survival instincts in animals. When two dogs get in a fight - you obviously want to go for the dog that can take care of himself.
It's not uncommon to want to feel protected, taken care of, it's safety, comfort... peace of mind. He is your man, your rock. You should be able to curl up in his arms and make the world disappear when it needs to. If he can't even give you that feeling - then. . . the "bad boy looks" are only going to get you so far.
Sadly bad boys, can become very controlling. Physical and emotional battering can and usually does takes place, until the woman decides she doesn't want to be mistreated any longer.
There are physiological reasons why woman chase after bad boys. For example, she may have very low self esteem and feels very insecure due to an abusive childhood. The bad boys manipulate feelings…and they can act! They set out for what they want and are a class act until they get what they want. Some women try to fill a fatherly need for many reasons and perhaps their father was a bad boy
There are HUNDREDS of biological studies showing why woman do this. One of the women in the study gave this example:
The basic reason why women go after bad guys is because woman is looking for a mate that will protect them. The bad boy types give the appearance of being able to defend their woman. Bad boy types are also more confident so they go and get their woman. They also cheat more often but that can also be explained with biology. This is the same reason woman place a high value on men who make more money. Making more money basically means that the man has more access to resources. More resources seem optimal for supporting lots of babies. Have you ever wondered why men seem to prefer blondes over woman with darker hair? The reason for this is because as woman age their hair naturally gets darker. So Blonde (light color hair) is often a sign of youthfulness. Woman who are young are generally more able to produce babies.
Although I agree with a little of the above analogy I don't agree with all of it. I believe partly that women want to be the one who "tames" the bad guy into submission and all the other women will be envious about her trophy. Many women become bad guy "magnets" and it takes years of heartache before they decide that they want a "nice guy" who will be there for them in the future and who will nurture them and their children.
Bad guys teach you quickly that an intelligent, confident woman is not on their agenda and that you will be dumped if you do not comply with their need to control. We have read all the hype about the "bad guys" in romance novels and throughout history they are depicted as the guy that can be reformed and taught to love one woman madly. This myth is just that...a myth.
I truly believe all women at one time or another are attracted to the bad boys but eventually learn or grow up, whatever comes first, and realize that most bad boys will leave you high and dry if the going in life gets rough and that you need a good guy to be there for you in the future.
I hope I will hear a lot of input about this topic as a large majority of the people I talk to are involved with a "bad guy" and are trying to pick up the pieces of their lives.
Wishing you sunshine on a cloudy day today!
Rosie
Tags: Metaphysical Counseling Relationship
