How Well Do You Handle Criticism?
Do you have problems with criticism and find it difficult to deal with?
If someone punched you in the mouth, threw a phone at you, or even grabbed you by the collar, no one would say "don't take it personally." They'd say, someone please call the police and they would be arrested.
Frequently any sign of physical aggression is often punished or chastised severely, but expressing emotional and psychological vitriol is acceptable.
While you can't eliminate or avoid all forms of negative feedback, defusing the critical statements of others is not only possible, it can be a fun challenge.
You can take control of most of the situations where others attack you verbally by adopting a game plan in advance.
Picture your most recent heated dispute with a friend, boss, or neighbor. Whether the subject matter at hand was missing a lunch date or forgetting to turn the office lights off at the end of the day, chances are the dispute started when someone said something unpleasant to someone else.
I have heard the comment "don't take it personally a lot in my lifetime and usually after someone has screamed or raised their voices over everyone else's to get their point across.
I always wondered, if we're not supposed to take someone screaming at us personally especially when they are giving you the message that "you're either stupid or lazy or a combination of both" how else are we to take it?
Do you have to accept verbal criticism blindly? No I don't think you do. There are ways of handling a confrontation where you can diffuse a volitile situation by using some preplanned words and tactics.
If you step back and say to yourself "is this criticism aimed at me or is the problem causing this not really being addressed." If you do this you can gain a little perspective on the situation.
New neurological research indicates that when you discuss your feelings this calms your brain's emotional center. For instance, spending 10 seconds mentally saying "I feel angry, humilated, sad, powerless.." often defuses tension by objectying rather than personalizing criticism.
It is a natural reflex to criticize someone back if they criticize you. We are all guilty of criticizing others without considering the impact of that criticism.
If you have a few creative ways to diffuse criticism up your sleeve for when situations occurs that will sometimes help you get control of the situation faster.
For instance you can say "thanks for letting me know how you feel now could you explain what you really mean by that statement 'don't take it personally'?
This approach usually will set them back a few paces and they have to think also. You will probably get a dumb look but that is ok because you have stopped them in their tracks for a few minutes.
By not responsing defensively to criticism you can turn it back to the person to explain their actions. This neutral response to criticism addresses the issue at hand without you conceding that the criticism has any validity.
Using statements like "I understand that you are frustrated but what do you think I can do to help you" is another example.
If the person is totally obtuse you can say something like "You are obviously not yourself and I will address this with you later" and walk away. Sometimes it is better to just leave the situation and take it up when both parties are a lot calmer. You cannot always do that in all situations but when you develop a plan to deal with unreasonable people and stick to the premise that you will not let them rile you it stops 90% of the tense situations you run across from escalating.
I have had to deal with some "in your face" criticism in my life and I have found that not giving the other person the satisfaction of resorting to adopting their behavior does work. While working as a Correctional Counselor learning to diffuse a situation that was growing violent was critical in keeping the safety so I learned a few calming statements to turn the situation around so you can get control and take the anger out of the equation. Try putting a few good calming statements in your grab bag for use when the climate gets hot and you are steaming under the collar!
Here's to happy resolutions and peaceful endings. Blessings to all this day!
Rosie
Tags: Metaphysical Counseling Relationship
