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What have I been doing wrong?
A universal question I get from both genders is: "What am I doing that is so wrong? I cannot seem to stay in a relationship for a long time."
One of the very first questions I ask then is "What are you seeking in a partner that you cannot seem to find?"
a. A mirror image of yourself?
b. An accepting person who will love you despite your imperfections?
c. Someone who will give you all the things you did not receive as a child?
d. Someone who will fill the empty place in your life?
e. Someone who is totally together and able to handle life?
f. Someone who is financially stable and can provide you with security or
all of the above?
Are you setting the bar so high that no one could possibly match up no matter what they tried?
When you sabotage your own efforts for a successful relationship you must go back and really investigate if the problem does reside within you. Perhaps you have set the standards so high so you do not really have to choose anyone. That is common if you have old issues that you have not released from the past.
You can maximize your chances of a successful partnership by allowing and respecting your potential partner's wishes and needs as well as your own.
First and foremost, you need to learn to have a relationship with yourself and identify what really makes you a real person to another. You have to accept your own values, passions, fears and even weak points before you can tolerate others.
Identify what makes you interesting and unique and capitalize on those things that give you your passion. No one wants to date someone who is so perfect they never make a mistake.
When you find yourself denying what you need in order to please your partner then you must step back and ask "why am I so needy that I have to kill my own feelings in order to please others?"
Develop a healthy respect for yourself then you will automatically begin to respect others.
Some of the things you should learn to do after you accept an offer to date is realize that there are a few things you should get out of the way first.
You need to talk about the money! How do you feel about sharing expenses for the first date etc. Do you feel he should pay no matter what? Are you adverse to "going Dutch"? This are important issues that should be discussed in this day and age. Be willing to be flexible. There is a lot of awkwardness about money in the beginning. If you agree on who will take care of the expenses or if you want to share them then that is a great start.
The most important thing when you accept a date from someone is to show up! Then do not dress like you are "someone else" with spiky heels etc. Make an effort to be genuine and not be something you are not. If you start with the truth then the relationship will begin with the truth and that will continue to set the standard.
Top of the list of things to get out of the way before moving into a sexual relationship is a checkup that includes testing for sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. Most women are a little reticent to see the paperwork and the proof of the most recent checkup but don't be for without knowing about how safe someone really is can create a life threatening problem for you in the future. When the time arrives and you want to have sexual contact with your partner makes sure you both have had a recent checkup.
Finding the love of your life can be a daunting challenge these days, without having a little help! Most of us on a conscious path are relatively happy and content with our lives; however, having a loving spiritual partnership with a person who enhances our life gives us the opportunity to grow and thrive in a deep, spiritual love, making life more enjoyable!
Get busy and realize it all starts with you and your perceptions. Be clear about what you want in a relationship and don't be afraid to set the bar a little lower and let things have a chance to develop.
You may not meet "Mr. Wonderful" immediately and you may need to help him understand what your needs are. So take time to know someone well before deciding to throw in the towel.
Be pro-active and initiate actions that will develop trust. Let your divine energy guide you into making proper choices and be open to changes. Do not be to quick to look for the "cookie cutter" perfect partner for if you are not willing to look past a few imperfections you will always be looking for someone new I am afraid. We are human and our imperfections make us unique. Learn to celebrate the little imperfections and look to find the true character that is within.
Blessings to you this day and remain honest with yourself and then honestly with others will be a natural thing. Be safe this week and most of all enjoy!
Rosie
Tags: Counseling Coaching Depression
