"How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" was a song released by the Bee Gees in 1971. The song had been written by Barry and Robin Gibb in August 1970, when the Gibb brothers had reconvened following a period of break-up and alienation. They said that they originally offered it to Andy Williams, but ultimately the Bee Gees recorded it themselves and included it on their 1971 album, Trafalgar.
If you are feeling down and are just trying to recover from a breakup with your lover, you are not alone. Just about everyone experiences a break-up at sometime in their life, and many then have to deal with heartbreak — a wave of grief, anger, confusion, low self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy all at once. Millions of poems and songs have been written about having a broken heart and wars have even been fought because of heartbreak.
What Exactly Is Heartbreak?
Lots of things can cause heartbreak. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended before they were ready. Others might have strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend ends or abandons the friendship. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same — whether it's the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for.
People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.
You will get lots of advice on how to deal with heartbreak and at the moment none of it seems worth listening to as you are going through this trauma. Most people feel isolated, sick to their stomach, angry and most of all sick at heart.
How you deal with this dramatic emotions depends on how you can control your reactions to the trauma. This can feel like a major heart attack in many instances. It helps if you can share your feelings with someone you trust. Someone who will recognize and listen to you without judging you. Having a good cry with a sympathetic friend is cathartic in many ways for you are releasing the build up of emotions that feel like a ton of bricks on your chest.
I think sharing with others seems to be harder for men than women. Men will tend to retreat and not share and therefore they suffer longer and grieve for a longer amount of time. Talking with a friend, a minister, your sister or any sibling will help in releasing the anger and pent up rage that accompanies a breakup.
Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for everything that happens. That is the usual procedure for a few days and then that remorse usually turns into anger. Some may go to extremes however and then it can be dangerous. The self pity can become a reason to cause harm to themselves or others. If you find yourself going in that direction, nip it immediately in the bud for it is never all one person's fault. It takes two to create a disaster or a breakup.
Do all you can to pamper yourself and survive the first few days. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob and cry and moan if necessary. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."
Remind yourself frequently if you can of all your good qualities. Recite them over and over if necessary. Take good care of yourself by eating and drinking. Keeping hydrated is more important than you will ever know for when your body is stressed you will dehydrate at a faster pace than normal and you can find yourself in serious trouble quickly. Do not use alcohol to drown your sorrows for it will only dehydrate you faster and it is a depressant which will cause you to feel worse in the long run.
If you can force yourself try and do some exercise to keep your body loose and supple. When you are traumatized you will involuntarily tighten up all your muscles in the shoulder and hip areas. Your spine becomes rigid and you begin to experience muscle cramps if you allow the tension to continue. This will occur especially if you are dehydrated.
Force yourself to keep fluid in your body and exercise lightly. Do what you can to pamper yourself and perhaps going out and splurging on a good meal at a restaurant you love with a friend is the perfect course of action for it will keep the negative thoughts away for a little while and put food in your body that you probably need badly.
Give yourself time to heal and this may be a week, a month or even a year but take the time and treat yourself gently. Almost everyone going through a broken heart thinks that they will never feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Don't try to analyze the breakup all in one day and expect to reach a realistic conclusion. It takes more than one day and perhaps it might take you much longer than that to fully understand what has transpired.
Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music. Do daily cardiovascular exercise as the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift. ----Resist the urge to call your ex----. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it. Start a grief journal. Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely. ----Resist all desires to call your ex----.
Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity. A list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade for example. Spoil yourself by getting a new haircut, have a spa day or go shopping. ----Resist the urge to call your ex----.
Assess your experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. ---Resist the urge to call your ex---. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.
Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks — and sometimes even months. Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.
Sometimes the sadness is so deep — or lasts so long — that a person may need some extra support. For someone who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful.
So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin.
There are no magic wands you can use, no genie's popping out of the bottle to assist you or a magic list that you can follow step by step to recovery. It takes effort and work and I am not making light of this trauma for it is universally thought of as the "process from hell" and there is no easy way to endure it.
You will survive it however with perserverance and effort. You can learn to adjust to a new way of life and you will move forward if you allow yourself to do so. Talking it out is the best course of action and journalling is a great way to get the pain to subside and heal your heart.
Now is the time to learn good meditation practices. Get some guided meditation CDs and learn to relax and get in touch with your inner voice. Meditation can heal and it has proven to be the most effective way to heal your own heartbreak also.
Wishing a rapid recovery for all who are going through the trauma of a broken heart this day.
Rosie
Tags: Metaphysical Counseling Relationship
