Today I received a disturbing call from one of my clients.  Her teenage son was taken to the hospital for a drug and alcohol overdose last night and he is dangerously close to losing his life.  I was so upset because she knew he was using marijuana but did not consider it to be a real problem.

I have heard from numerous people that they consider pot smoking to be a safe alternative versus alcohol consumption.   Unfortunately kids of this generation think that marijuana is a relatively safe drug and nothing can be farther from the truth.  I have a very interesting article I am including from one of my favorite newsletters I receive by email.  I hope all of you who have teenagers will read this and pass it on to your children.  I feel it is one of the most straight forward articles I have read about the dangers of marijuana in general.

Marijuana: The Proven Drawbacks on Your Body
by www.SixWise.com

As the most commonly used illegal drug in the United States, the health effects of marijuana are easily a public health concern. Over 40 percent of Americans over the age of 12 (or nearly 98 million people) have tried marijuana at least once in their lifetimes, according to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health.

Pot, Reefer, Grass, Weed, Dope, Ganja, Mary Jane, or Sinsemilla

Other names for marijuana include Pot, Reefer, Grass, Weed, Dope, Ganja, Mary Jane, or Sinsemilla.

Yet, surveys have found that the majority of kids (79 percent) mistakenly believe that marijuana is safe.

In reality, marijuana has been linked to numerous short- and long-term health impacts, and studies show that smoking "pot" may actually be much worse for your health than smoking cigarettes.

Six Ways Marijuana Seriously Harms Your Health

The active ingredient in marijuana, THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol), is responsible for the "high" that marijuana users covet. It's also responsible for a myriad of short-term health consequences, according to the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP), including:

    *

      Problems with memory and learning
    *

      Distorted perception
    *

      Difficulty thinking and problem solving
    *

      Loss of coordination
    *

      Increased heart rate
    *

      Anxiety

Over time, marijuana leads to even more health risks.

   1.

      Increased risk of heart attack. Your risk of having a heart attack more than quadruples in the first hour after smoking marijuana, according to a study published in Circulation.
   2.

      Increased risk of lung cancer. Marijuana smoke contains 50 percent to 70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco smoke. Meanwhile, it causes increased levels of an enzyme that converts hydrocarbons into their carcinogenic form, which may accelerate changes that cause cancer. And, because marijuana users typically inhale smoke more deeply than cigarette smokers, they may be exposed to more carcinogenic smoke.


Nearly 50 percent of 12th graders have smoked marijuana, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse's 2005 Monitoring the Future Study.

    A study by the British Lung Foundation even found that smoking three marijuana joints a day causes similar damage to smoking 20 cigarettes.

   1.

      Impaired immune system. THC impairs your immune system's ability to fight disease, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. The substance inhibits the disease-preventing reactions of key immune cells, and studies have found that mice exposed to THC were more likely to develop bacterial infections and tumors.
   2.

      Mental illness. A 2007 study in The Lancet found that even infrequent marijuana use increases your risk of becoming psychotic. Smoking marijuana is also linked to depression, anxiety and personality disturbances.
   3.

      Respiratory problems. Like tobacco smokers, regular marijuana smokers report increased respiratory problems including cough, phlegm production, chest illness, obstructed airways, and lung infections.
   4.

      Physical dependence. Contrary to popular thought, marijuana is classified as an addictive drug, and can even cause cravings and withdrawal symptoms.

Are There Any Benefits?

Whether or not marijuana should be allowed for medical use has spurred great controversy, largely because it does, in fact, offer some benefits (along with the risks noted above).

THC and other chemicals in marijuana impact receptors in your brain and other areas of your body that control things such as body movement, memory, vomiting, and your immune system. According to the Mayo Clinic, marijuana may therefore help to treat:

    *

      Nausea
    *

      Glaucoma
    *

      Pain
    *

      Multiple sclerosis

In fact, marijuana has been used for various medical purposes for thousands of years, and was even listed by the U.S. Pharmacopeia, the organization that sets standards for approved drugs in the United States, until the 1940s. Today, however, marijuana remains an illicit drug and is classified federally as a Schedule 1 drug, which means it is one of "the most dangerous drugs that have no recognized medical use."

The following is a list of commonly used illegal drugs that your teenager may have access to also.  

Marijuana
Other Names: Pot, Reefer, Grass, Weed, Dope, Ganja, Mary Jane, or Sinsemilla
What It Looks Like: Similar to dried parsley with stems and/or seeds, rolled into cigarettes or cigars
How it's Administered: The stems and/or seeds are smoked or eaten and it's often rolled into cigarettes or cigars.
Effects on User: Problems with memory and learning, distorted perception, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, loss of coordination, altered sense of time, feelings of anxiety or panic and increased heart rate.
Other Info: The primary mind-altering ingredient in marijuana is THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol). Long-term use can lead to addiction in some users.

Hashish
Other Names: Hash
What It Looks Like: Brown or black cakes or balls
How it's Administered: It's smoked or eaten.
Effects on User: Same as marijuana.
Other Info: Hashish is a more concentrated, resinous form of marijuana.
    Hashish Oil
Other Names: Hash Oil
How it Looks: Concentrated syrupy liquid varying in color from clear to black.
How it's Administered: It's smoked, often mixed with tobacco
Effects on User: Same as marijuana.
Other Info: Hashish is obtained by purifying hashish with a solvent.


Nitrous Oxide
Other Names: Laughing gas or whippet
What It Looks Like: Small 8-gram metal cylinder sold with a balloon or pipe propellant for whipped cream in aerosol spray can
How it's Administered: Its vapors are inhaled.
Effects on User: Temporary loss of motor control, a "dissociative" psychological effect, sensations and perceptions become disconnected, mild hallucinations, insensibility to pain and laughter.
Other Info: Nitrous may be psychologically addictive.


Amyl Nitrite
Other Names: Poppers or Snappers
What It Looks Like: Clear yellowish liquid in ampules
How it's Administered: It's vapors are inhaled.
Effects on User: A "high" feeling, dilates blood vessels, makes the heart beat faster.
Other Info: Amyl Nitrite is sold in a cloth-covered sealed bulb (so it can be crushed without hurting your fingers). When the bulb is broken, it makes a snapping sound and users inhale the vapors.

Butyl Nitrite
Other Names: Rush, Bolt, Bullet, Locker Room, and Climax
What It Looks Like: In small bottles
How it's Administered: Its vapors are inhaled.
Effects on User: A "high" feeling, increased blood pressure, followed by an increased heart rate, flushed face and neck, dizziness and headache.


Chlorohydrocarbons
Other Names: Aerosol sprays or cleaning fluids
What It Looks Like: Like aerosol paint cans
How it's Administered: Its vapors are inhaled.
Effects on User: Double vision, loss of coordination, weakness, severe headaches, nausea or vomiting, numbness, irregular heartbeat, suffocation.


Hydrocarbons
Other Names: Solvents
What It Looks Like: Cans of aerosol propellants, gasoline, glue, paint thinner
How it's Administered: Its vapors are inhaled.
Effects on User: Hallucinations, stomach cramps, rashes around the nose and mouth and inflamed eyes, light headedness, dizziness and drowsiness, loss of control or unconsciousness, kidney damage, liver damage, heart failure, suffocation.
Other Info: All of the inhalants (nitrous oxide, amyl and butyl nitrite, chlorohydrocarbons and hydrocarbons) carry similar risks and can be deadly.


Cocaine
Other Names: Coke, Snow, Nose Candy, Flake, Blow, Big C, Lady, White and Snowbirds
What It Looks Like: White crystalline powder
How it's Administered: It's inhaled or injected
Effects on User: A "high" feeling of supremacy, constricted peripheral blood vessels, dilated pupils, increased body temperature, heart rate and blood pressure, restlessness, irritability, anxiety, paranoia, aggression, respiratory arrest, seizures, death.
Other Info: Cocaine is a powerfully addicted drug, and addicted individuals may become depressed when they stop using the drug.


Crack Cocaine
Other Names: Crack, rock, freebase
What It Looks Like: White to tan pellets or crystalline rocks that look like soap
How it's Administered: It's smoked.
Effects on User: Same as cocaine, but users may be particularly aggressive and paranoid.


Amphetamines
Other Names: Speed, Uppers, Ups, Black beauties, Pep pills, Copilots, Bumblebees, Hearts, Benzedrine, Dexedrine, Footballs, and Biphetamine
What It Looks Like: Capsules, pills, tablets
How it's Administered: It's taken orally, injected or inhaled.
Effects on User: During the "up" time: Extra energy, cheerfulness, confidence, prevents sleep, reduces appetite, speeds up breathing and heart rate, widens the pupils. During the "down" time (about eight hours after use): Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, anxiety, anger.
Other Info: These drugs have a high risk of psychological dependence and regular users may develop delusions, hallucinations and feelings of paranoia that can progress into permanent paranoid psychosis.


Methamphetamines
Other Names: Crank, Crystal meth, Crystal methadrine, and Speed
What It Looks Like: White powder, pills, rock that resembles a block of paraffin
How it's Administered: It's taken orally, injected or inhaled.
Effects on User: Same as amphetamines.
    Additional Stimulants
Other Names: Ritalin, Cylert, Preludin, Didrex, Pre-State, Voranil, Sandrex, and Plegine
What It Looks Like: Pills or capsules
How it's Administered: It's taken orally or injected.
Effects on User: Loss of appetite, fevers, convulsions, severe headaches, irregular heartbeat and respiration, paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, excessive repetition of movements and meaningless tasks.


Barbiturates
Other Names: Downers, Barbs, Blue Devils, Red Devils, Yellow Jacket, Yellows, Nembutal, Tuinals, Seconal, and Amytal
What It Looks Like: Red, yellow, blue, or red and blue capsules
How it's Administered: It's taken orally.
Effects on User: Calming, sleep induction and anxiety reduction, slurred speech, clumsiness, unconsciousness.
Other Info: Dependence on barbiturates can develop, and sudden withdrawal from high doses can result in irritability, nervousness, delirium, sleeplessness, fainting, sickness, twitching, fits and death. They're especially dangerous when mixed with alcohol.


Methaqualone
Other Names: Quaaludes, Ludes, Sopors
What It Looks Like: Tablets
How it's Administered: It's taken orally.
Effects on Users: Same as barbiturates.


Tranquilizers
Other Names: Valium, Librium, Miltown, Serax, Equanil, Miltown, and Tranxene
What It Looks Like: Tablets or capsules
How it's Administered: It's taken orally.
Effects on Users: Reduces anxiety, drowsiness, may make people lethargic, disruption of the psycho-motor, intellectual, and perceptual functions and convulsions.
Other Info: This drug accumulates in the body tissue after prolonged use, and tolerance can develop quickly so that larger doses are needed to feel the effects. When mixed with alcohol, tranquilizers may cause coma and death.


Phencyclidine
Other Names: PCP, Hog, Angel Dust, Loveboat, Lovely
What It Looks Like: Liquid, white crystalline powder, pills, capsules
How it's Administered: It's taken orally, injected or smoked (sprayed on joints or cigarettes).
Effects on User: Increased heart rate and blood pressure, impaired motor function, memory loss, numbness, nausea/vomiting, possible decrease in blood pressure and heart rate, panic, aggression, violence, loss of appetite and depression.


Lysergic Acid Diethylamide
Other Names: LSD, Acid, Microdot, White lightning, Blue heaven and Sugar Cubes
What It Looks Like: Colored tablets, blotter paper, clear liquid, thin squares of gelatin
How it's Administered: It's taken orally, licked off paper, or in a gelatin or liquid that can be put in the eyes.
Effects on Users: Altered states of perception and feeling, nausea, persisting perception disorder (flashbacks), increased body temperature, heart rate and blood pressure, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, numbness, weakness, tremors and persistent mental disorders.
Other Info: This drug has a high potential for abuse.


Mescaline and Peyote
Other Names: Mesc, Buttons and Cactus
What It Looks Like: Hard brown discs, tablets, capsules
How it's Administered: Discs are chewed, swallowed or smoked. Tablets and capsules are taken orally.
Effects on User: Same as LSD.


Psilocybin
Other Names: Magic Mushrooms, 'shrooms
What It Looks Like: Fresh or dried mushrooms
How it's Administered: It's chewed or swallowed.
Effects on User: Same as LSD.


Heroin
Other Names: Smack, Horse, Mud, Brown sugar, Junk, Black tar, and Big H
What It Looks Like: White to dark-brown powder or tarlike substance
How it's Administered: It's injected, smoked or inhaled.
Effects on User: Pain relief, euphoria, drowsiness, nausea, constipation, confusion, sedation, respiratory depression and arrest, tolerance, addiction, unconsciousness, staggering gait, coma and death.
Other Info: Heroin is highly addictive. Tolerance and physical and psychological dependence develop quickly.


Codeine
Other Names: Empirin compound with codeine, Tylenol with codeine, Codeine in cough medicine
What It Looks Like: Dark liquid varying in thickness, capsules, tablets
How it's Administered: It's taken orally or injected.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.


Morphine
Other Names: Pectoral syrup
What It Looks Like: White crystals, hypodermic tablets, or injectable solutions
How it's Administered: It's taken orally, injected or smoked.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.


Opium
Other Names: Paregoric, Dover's Powder, Parepectolin
What It Looks Like: Dark brown chunks, powder
How it's Administered: It's smoked, eaten or injected.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.


Meperidine
Other Names: Pethidine, Demerol, Mepergan
What It Looks Like: White powder, solution, tablets
How it's Administered: It's taken orally or injected.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.


Other Narcotics
Other Names: Percocet, Percodan, Tussionex, Fentanyl, Darvon, Talwin, and Lomotil
What It Looks Like: Tablets or capsules
How it's Administered: It's taken orally or injected.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.

Fentanyl
Other Names: Synthetic heroin, China white
What It Looks Like: White powder
How it's Administered: It's inhaled or injected.
Effects on User: Same as heroin.

Ecstasy
Other Names: MDMA (methylenedioxy-methamphetamine), Adam, clarity, ecstasy, Eve, lover's speed, peace, STP, X, XTC
What It Looks Like: Tablets
How it's Administered: It's taken orally.
Effects on User: Mild hallucinogenic effects, increased tactile sensitivity, empathic feelings, impaired memory and learning, hyperthermia, cardiac toxicity, renal failure and liver toxicity

If you suspect someone you love is abusing illegal or prescription drugs, SixWise.com suggests you seek professional help, such as contacting a school nurse, social worker or counselor, immediately.

I know that this is not a pleasant topic but drug use is rampant among our teenagers and we need to be informed about what is out there and how it is being used.

I hope this may help someone along the way.  Blessings of Enlightenment to all this day.



Rosie

The river of time has currents, white and dark water, backwashes and even diversions from the main course.  We are conditioned from birth to believe in sequential time (one moment after another concept). By the time you are five or six you will have forgotton the intricacies of the nature of time and space and thus you are primed to live in a word where tomorrows come after todays and yesterdays lead to todays. 

Each day seems to build on itself and we hurry through the week so we can "rest" on the weekends, then we hurry through the chores on the weekend so we won't have to do extra work during the workweek etc. etc.   When life happens we worry if we can possibly do all that is expected of ourselves in a 24 hour period.  We needlessly fret and worry about tomorrow.

As we proceed through the days of our lives we all experience worry.  When you care, you try to make everything work right....When it does not you become fearful and short circuit yourself.  Worry is a form of directed energy.. Worry removes your focus from everything else and directs it in a concentrated manner towards that which you fear...then worry and fear combine to bring into existence the very thing you fear.

To stop worrying you must understand the laws that make things happen...One of these important laws say "what you can see in your mind - good or bad - if you believe it and can see it then it will happen.  Creation starts with thought and imagination.   This is a cause and effect world we live in.  As you sow so shall you reap etc.
Worrying creates the very thing we fear the most.  By concentrating on the fears you subsequently bring them into your reality.  The river of life will keep moving whether you worry or not.  Choose not to worry and choose not to bring the negativity into your journey down the river.

It is important to center your thoughts and look within for all creation starts there...in your heart and mind.  All we need to do is look, be silent and believe we are the creators of our Universe.  Prepare yourself to receive the things that you want.  Know that they are within your grasp then accept that you have them, live like you have all your desires and you will see that you truly are the creator of your life.  Put the worries in the hands of the Universe and move on for if you cannot change what is happening then worrying about it is futile and non-productive. 

The worries we have usually center around three major areas in our life:  Health, money and relationships.  Learning to problem solve, release the fears, and move forward takes a lot of effort and it is hard not to worry but you can become aware that worry is detrimental to your health and welfare.  By recognizing that you are worrying needlessly is a beginning for then you can start to change your thought processes so you will replace the nagging thoughts with more productive ones.  Learn to recognize productive problem solving versus needless worrying. 

Stop the cycle of worry and live in the moment.  If you cannot fix the problems in the minute before you then release them and move on to things that you can handle. 

Rosie

This is the season to be jolly and I hope everyone is busy spreading Christmas joy and cheer throughout the world.  I know that there are many who have had to cutback and budget, some who have lost their homes, jobs and even their retirement funds but in our hearts we can can still celebrate and know that the bad times will pass and once again we will see a brighter day.

Keeping the Christmas spirit in times of adversity is difficult and sometimes downright impossible but I am hoping that you will all look for joy wherever you can find it and count your blessings for the gifts that the Universe continues to give us all! 

Keeping you all in my heart this Holiday Season and looking forward to the New Year with all of you!

Rosie

I am sitting here tonight in stunned silence with a heavy heart.  The tragedy that evolved today at Fort Hood, Texas is weighing on my heart and soul.

We, the psychic community, have been waiting for November 5th with worry and trepidation for most of us were feeling that a disaster was coming that would affect everyone and I believe this tragedy at Fort Hood is what we have been worrying about and expecting. 

The questions that are going to come from this event are going to be affecting all of us for a long time.  How could the Government continue to let a Major, and one who had considerable influence on our soldiers, continue to advise our troups when they knew he had Anti-American sentiments and was of mid-eastern descent? 

Many times I have questioned those who were so intent on weeding out the Mexican illegals in our country that they should look at all the supposed "legals" who have been allowed in that are practicing a religion that is basically Anti-American or is being used as a means to persecute those who are American.  I am tolerant of all religions and I believe they are all necessary to a certain degree but the Muslim nation in the mid east has declared war on the United States and should we not be cautious about allowing them into our country to live and enjoy our freedoms but...they are free to plot against our country and our citizens? 

I am outraged by the lack of oversight in the Military that allowed this tragedy to occur at Fort Hood.  They, (the Military),  will create a story that will be believable to some but I am totally in doubt about what they are thinking by allowing militants to serve in our armed forces in general.  I have many clients who have husbands, fathers, sons and daughters that serve in the Military and most are fearful about serving with men from the middle eastern countries for it is imperative that soldiers trust the men in their group and rely on each other in combat.  Most say they are more afraid of "friendly fire" than the supposed enemy. 

I believe this incident and the ramifications of it is going to create fear and panic and we may see many people being interned in camps that were similar to the camps that were in place during WWII.  I know many of you are too young to remember those camps but they were a disgrace to our country and many innocent people were forced into the camps simply because they were of Asian descent.  We have not learned from this I do not believe.

For five years now there has been talk on the internet that the Government was creating camps here in the US again and perhaps they are for I have not seen the evidence as yet but it makes sense because the "powers that be" within our Government have allowed those that have an intent to do us harm enter our country at will and now innocent people in our country are going to pay the price for that oversight.  Many American born citizens are going to be caught up in this also I am afraid.

Many of our hotels, motels etc are staffed by people who are working on visa's from foreign countries and our citizens cannot find jobs.  During this recession I feel all those working under visa's should be sent back to their respective countries and the positions offered to those that need them within the US.

I am personally taking a hard line about this for I feel frustrated and I am tired of being afraid of what might happen when one of those people decide they don't like our policies and react like the Major did today at Fort Hood.

I am lighting a candle for peace and for those who are living in fear.  I am lighting a candle tonight for those who are grieving in Fort Hood and the family members left behind, the wounded and those that departed the earth so violently this day on their own American soil.  This could have been avoided and we forseen tragedy coming but could we have prevented it?  I just don't know right now.

Feeling very vulnerable myself this day and heartbroken for the members of our Military and for those were caught up in this senseless tragedy.

Rosie

ON BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR

What does being an entrepreneur really mean and what does it take to be one?

An entrepreneur (a loanword from French introduced and first defined by the Irish economist Richard Cantillon) is a person who operates a new enterprise or venture and assumes some accountability for the inherent risks. A female entrepreneur is sometimes referred to as an entrepreneuse.

The newly and modern view on entrepreneurial talent is a person who takes the risks involved to undertake a business venture. I believe having an entrepreneurial spirit is just as important. Even if you are not starting a business, you need to step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to move to a more satisfying path in your life.

Entrepreneurs are said to efficiently and effectively use the factors of production. That is land (natural resources), labor (human input into production using available resources) and capital (any type of equipment used in production i.e. machinery). A business that can efficiently manage this and in the long-run hopefully expand (future prospects of larger firms and businesses), will become successful.

All people have something of value to share. It all begins with discovering your own abilities and acquiring what additional skills are needed to bring your “big ideas” to life.

For the entrepreneur, it begins with seeing value within themselves. Once entrepreneurs begin to truly see, to truly believe, then it becomes easier for an entrepreneur to see those “ideas” around themselves.

There is not one successful entrepreneur or visionary on the face of this planet who has not opened themselves to the treasure of discovering their own value and self worth. Self worth gives the entrepreneur the courage to take risks. All entrepreneurs are bold risk takers. It takes an incredible amount of courage for the entrepreneur to be immovable, while standing their ground and seeing more than what’s right in front of them.

After all, the entrepreneurial spirit is the epitome of the human spirit. Strength. Courage. Wisdom. Some of history’s greatest inventors and entrepreneurs have mastered the ability to see beyond their own time in order to create a future that humanity can be proud of.

Many people start on the path to becoming an entrepreneur and end up feeling like they have failed.

You take the steps to put yourself out there, talk to other entrepreneurs about what opportunities are available, you do your homework and you end up finding the opportunity that you believe can take you where you want to be in life – whatever that may look like for you. You find out what it takes to get started including costs, what your next steps are, and have everything laid out in front of you and are ready to take the leap.

Then something happens. Your mind wanders and gets cluttered in endless chatter, and you get a severe case of the”what ifs”. You freeze, and end up going back to your safe life.

What were you thinking anyway? You are right back where you started and living with doubt again.

I’ll tell you what you were thinking – “There is no way that I can do this on my own."

It is that type of thinking that keeps many people stuck in their lives. All forward movement in life involves taking risks and getting out of the "comfort zone" or safety zone that you have created where you feel you will not have to suffer any pain.

Successful entrepreneurs, regardless of the nature of their business, what their startup costs are or any other circumstance, employ an entirely different type of thinking – instead of thinking why they can’t do it, successful entrepreneurs think about how they can do it and look at the obstacles as a way to learn and excel.

The people who stay stuck can only see the obstacles in their way. They focus on anything and everything that could or might go wrong and they succumb to their fears. And they go back to what is comfortable for them.

Successful entrepreneurs know that being successful is all about being uncomfortable. They see obstacles as challenges. They are busy figuring what stone they can turn and how they can move heaven and earth to get to where they want to go. They know there will be challenges. However, successful entrepreneurs also know that their grit, determination, and desire to succeed can push them to overcome anything that comes in their path.

The key here is that you shouldn’t feel comfortable unless you are feeling uncomfortable. How can you grow if you keep doing the same thing, the “safe” thing?

You can’t.

Successful entrepreneurs do things that make them uncomfortable, and that make their palms sweat, because they know that the reward is absolutely worth whatever risk they are taking.

I hope you will take the risk and make the necessary changes that are there for you to enjoy a more fulfilling life.

Althroughout my life I have had an entrepreneurial spirit.  I stepped out there when everyone cautioned "you will be sorry" and I have never regretted doing so.  I took jobs that were not designed with women in mind and moved into areas where at times we were not wanted.  Did it involve risk?  Absolutely.  Did I profit from the experience?  Absolutely.

I may not have always profited in money but I profited in wisdom, courage and knowledge.

I believe the colleges have failed in many ways to teach our children how to be successful entrepreneurs and now we all must take up the cause and teach those that follow us to be inventive, to take risks and to live their life with a spirit of the entrepreneur.

Many blessings to you this lovely, chilly Autumn Week!


Rosie

Happy Halloween to Everyone!  Please have a wonderful safe time out and about with your kids, grandkids, friends and family!

Rosie and John

I am on the nightshift again this week once again! It seems that sometime I just cannot get my biological clock to adjust to the time change and I fall back into the routine of sleeping in the afternoon and staying up all night!  I worked the "swing shift" for too many years and I just seem to perk up around 6pm when the sun goes down! I know that  there have been many studies done about those of us who work nights on a regular basis and that we suffer from stress far more than the "9 to fivers" but to me I think I personally like the quiet the night brings.  I like to end my night by watching the sun come up over the mountains and then wind down for sleep.

I like to clean house at night, wash clothes and even grocery shop at midnight!  Perhaps I was a vampire in another life!  I love the daytime also but I am just more productive at night.

I find the world does not tolerate "nightowls" that well however.  I get really cranky with telemarketers who call me during the day and neighbors who pop in at 10 expecting to chat!  I am not very happy when I have to entertain others when I am dreaming of climbing in my bed!

Working at home has great advantages but most of the time you really have to let others know that you are truly working!  I have friends who call me all the time and interrupt my work.  I have had to be really firm with some and let them know I cannot talk when I am working.  Some understand but some get huffy as if I am really just finding excuses not to talk to them.  I have had others call me lazy because I sleep in the daytime and somehow that seems "lazy" to them even though they fail to realize I have spent 10 hours working during the night hours.

My family has become accustomed to my odd hours of working and find the best way to contact me is through email for I really do keep an eye on it each day.

I would be interested in hearing how others here deal with working the odd hours and how they deal with those who do not really believe they have a "real" job.  Let me know what means you use to cope with working at night and dealing with your kids etc.  It was difficult for me when I had young kids and had to work nights for their schedules all revolved around the daylight hours.  Sometimes the school would call me and I was sleeping in the day which really made eyebrows raise with the counselors at the school.  I guess they figured you should be sitting by the phone just waiting for a call from them no matter what hours you worked.

I am working the "night shift" tonight and I will be here throughout the night on the chatline if you want to chat a bit.  If you want to call me and see I am on "arrange a call" on Keen please sign in for it probably means I have other calls or taking a short break.

Blessings to all this day and I wish you joy in all that you do.



Rosie

How Important is Communication?


I am reminded everyday how important communication between people really is.  If you cannot communicate your needs then they will never be fulfilled.  A great many of my clients are complaining that they feel isolated from their partners, that nothing they say matters in their relationship and that their children do not even hear them when they speak. 

All too often as counselors we hear clients tell us that "he/she does not hear me" or "he/she will just not listen" or many variations of the same thing.

Lack of communication is a biggie when it comes to marital discord. Most problems in a relationship start with poor communication.

All of us need to take the time to talk and most important to really listen to our partners in life and our business partners as well.  Good communication skills start from within.

Some pointers that help facilitate good conversation are:

1.  Taking the time to really talk

Actually sitting down and talking is sometimes one of the biggest challenges a couple faces. After all, if you take the time to talk, really talk, to each other then you may have to address some of the pain you are experiencing and some of the challenges you are facing.

Ask and inform you partner about what your needs are: Your partner can’t read your mind, so don’t force them to try. Avoid sending hints or beating around the bush with "mind games"--they may seem cute and fun, but your partner might not always think so.

2.  Don't play into the "avoidance trap"

Sometimes couples avoid talking to each other because the discussion can be a laundry list of all that is wrong or all that didn't go well. It is difficult to listen to each other when the talk becomes an exchange of depressing stories.

Talking time is sometimes last on the priority list.   Maybe the dog needed to go for a walk. Maybe the kids need help with their homework or you need to wash clothes.  All of those things can take priority over talking to your spouse.

Ask each other what it would take to make talking time a high priority. Be honest with each other about the barriers you may be putting up to keep it from happening.

3.  Set up an agreement what the primary issue that needs to be discussed and agree to discuss one good thing and one difficult thing only.

Just by finding one good thing in your day to discuss first will open the door to being able to discuss the most difficult thing on your list. You may have to search for the one good thing but usually you can find it and share and laugh about it together.

4.  Make “talking time” a commitment and not a chore.

When you can commit to talking to each other, and then make the effort to have a regular talking time. Some couples pick a length of time for the talk - 20 minutes a day or half an hour. Put it on your calendar; make an appointment with each other, and make it happen.

Make time during the day to talk to your partner: 30 minutes a day, preferably some time during the evening after you have both had time to wind down, find out what each other did during their day, share thoughts, experiences, etc. Make this a Habit!

5. Teach yourself to be an "active listener"

This is one of the most important aspects of communication.  Sometimes the balance gets lost when one person seems to have the most important issue.  They do all the talking and you end up having the look of the "deer caught in the headlights" stare on your face.  Make sure there is equal time given to all.  Balance out the time you talk and listen. Ask your partner for feedback and most important ask them if you need to be quiet and let them have their say.

Being cognizant of the fact that sometimes our emotions carry us away on a talking tangent. We want to blurt it all out in case we forget an important part. When that happens we must take a breath and realize that our partner may need time to absorb and respond to the tirade you have been spouting!

5.  Take Turns

The first task in active listening is making sure that each one of you takes a turn to listen. As I stated before sometimes the balance gets lost and one person in the relationship is doing most of the talking. Ask your partner if you talk too much or too little.

While it might be awkward at first, take turns of equal time to talk/listen to each other. Since we are in patterns and habits with each other, we may not be aware of how to make the time equal. Sometimes at the beginning, it helps if you use a kitchen timer - he talks for 5 minutes while she listens, and then she talks and he listens for 5 minutes.

Avoid critical and absolute words: Critical words are words which show judgment.--"Why did you…?" or "You shouldn‘t have done it that way." While absolute words form roadblocks to communication, preventing improvement-- "You will never…" or "You always…"

6.  What does "Active Listening" really mean?

The word "active" is the key to listening well. Listening can be conveyed nonverbally by leaning toward the person who is speaking, nodding your head as the other talks, or making eye contact with the other person as he/she speaks.

Listening can also be conveyed by the words you say to your partner at the end of his/her speaking time. Say back to your partner in your own words what you think you heard him/her say.

Sometimes it helps to repeat what you heard, word for word.
For example "If I heard you correctly did you tell me I am forgetting to take out the garbage?"

Don't confuse "active listening" with problem solving.  It is the first step but "active listening" is just getting clarity about what the other person says and conveying understanding to them.

7.  The big "I" Statements

An "I" statement is one that begins with "I" and is a statement of what I observe, feel, or think. When I speak for myself, I am taking responsibility for my thoughts and reactions. This can be very powerful and does not blame or require anything from the other person.

When you interchange "feel" for "I" it is a subtle way of placing blame on your partner.  For example, "I feel you ignore me when I need to tell you something about the kids".  Instead of saying "I think you ignore me etc.   Both statements begin with an "I" but there are very distinct differences.

If you use "I" to speak for yourself, then I am only talking about and for myself. You can avoid putting words into your partner's mouth and you can avoid assumptions. You can keep yourself from telling your partner what he/she thinks. After all, you can't know what your partner thinks unless he/she has told me.

Use short, clear sentences as your "I" statement. If you think of it as a very simple statement, you give your partner something uncomplicated to which to respond. The more complicated the statement, the higher the chance for misinterpretation and confusion.

The beauty of the "I" statement is its simplicity. Just like you learned in elementary school English, an "I" statement simply needs a subject, a verb and an object.

"I feel upset."
"I would like a hug."
"I want to talk about our next step."

If you work on these steps to better couples' communication, you will grow closer and be more supportive with each other.

Whether you’re the Chief Executive of a corporation or the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer at home, communication is vital.
Talking is the lifeblood of sound relationships. Communication needs to flow from the top down so that everyone knows what, when, where, why and how. If there is no valve allowing freedom of expression from the bottom up, then somebody somewhere is going to feel isolated and frustrated.

Whether its management not listening to their employees or parents not listening to their children, the result is much the same - when people have no voice, they lose their freedom, they’re input is minimal, their ideas fall on deaf ears, there is no team spirit at work and there is no unification of the family unit.

If you are running a company and you never give your employees an opportunity to air their views, you are overlooking the most profitable asset on your balance sheet - your people. They will look after you if you look after them. Moreover, they will tell their family and friends how good you are to work for.

If you are running a family, give your children airtime. They will love and respect you for asking their opinion.

Ask questions to prove that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. By summarizing what they are telling you, you are showing your partner that you are an attentive listener who is making the effort to ensure they are being understood.

Remember and reinforce the concept of teamwork: Realize that in a healthy, loving relationship no one "wins" an argument. Serious commitment means meeting your partner halfway. Attempt to resolve the issue as a team by finding a way to fix the situation through compromising and understanding.

Exhibit to each other that you both understand where the other person is coming from: Validate your partner’s feelings by having empathy, attempting to understand, and clarifying their thoughts.

When you follow some basic communication standards you will open doors that have been closed before.  You will become someone that everyone wants to talk to!

Blessings this Sunday to all who are in need of comfort, to all who need someone to listen, and most of all to everyone that feels they are alone this day.  We are never alone in actuality for spirit is with us, within us and surrounds us every day so do not fail to ask for comfort and it will be given.



Rosie

Who's Spying on you now?

Good Morning to you all!  This weekend I heard a pretty scary story from another client who is the victim of someone using her private emails and records against her after hacking into her computer files with what is called a "bot".  It is an evasive program that can be implanted on your computer and will give the user access to all your personal files. I highly recommend everyone who uses the computer to make sure you have virus and malware protection installed on your computer and make use of a good "firewall" protection program.  Most new computers have firewalls installed but some of the older computers do not.  It is important that you update your computer protection on a regular basis.  Having a virus program is important but having a good defense against malware is doubly important right now. Identity theft is a real big problem right now and it is getting much more prevalent.  It is important to take precautions.

There has been a lot said lately about how we as Advisor's should post our real names and identities on Keen websites because we owe our clients that much but I disagree.  We owe our clients an honest reading without any scams involved and if they have a complaint about our services they should have the freedom to leave feedback or contact Keen for a refund but I do not think we need to reveal our personal history to our clients.  It is just not prudent to do so anymore.

I thought that I would resubmit a blog that I created some time ago and once again put out the warning that it pays to be vigilent about your privacy for nothing is sacred on the internet.

Imagine if you will that you have met a new guy and he seems so nice.  You date him for a few weeks and begin to notice that he has a few quirks that are noticeable.  He is becoming possessive, overly jealous and beginning to really scare you.  You break it off with him and you decide to move to a new location and get your telephone number changed.  He really was persistent and did not want to give up pursuing you.

Now imagine this guy you just dumped is at his home on the computer with a pen and paper.  Using only your name which he already knows, he is able to obtain your new address, new phone number and most important...your birthdate from a website he visits.  The website will also provide him with a picture of your new home, a satellite photo of the neighborhood, and MapQuest directions right to your door.  He goes to another website and he gets a list of your relatives and their ages.  He even gets their addresses, birthdates and where they live.

There are several websites, all accessible to the public, which provides all that information for free.

There are legal sites like www.usa-people-search.com and www.ZabaSearch.com that provide a mix of public records and generate a list of possible matches.  These public records can come from something as simple as a change of address form filed at the post office or a voter's registration card.

We live in a world where you cannot return clothes to a store or enter a building without someone scanning your driver’s license. We live in a world where identity theft is one of the fastest growing crimes. We also live in a world where an ex-boyfriend or husband will kill you because they cannot be with you. Murder/Suicides are very common lately. The victims are not always married and have only dated the other person for a short while. Some of the victims are teenagers, which is extremely disturbing. This is why I was very alarmed when I learned about sites like ZabaSearch. It not only places the public at risk for identity theft, it also threatens the safety of women, especially victims of domestic violence and/or stalkers.

One in every 12 women is stalked in her lifetime.  Online databases makes stalking easy. These websites/search engines are very dangerous and stalkers know about them and how to use them. If you get a magazine subscription or if you own a car then all this information eventually ends up on the internet for all to see.

Updating your voter's registration card or your library card requires your driver's license and the last four digits of your social security number.  You can chose not to do this and just show your driver's license when it is time to vote but that option is not well known or highly publicized.  I have had a big argument with the public library that insisted on this information before I could check out a book.

Something has to be done and we can start by refusing to supply this information.  When we are asked for our licenses, social security numbers, telephone numbers and/or addresses just ask if and why this information is necessary.  If you decide to move, try to change your address directly with the companies and people who send you mail regularly.  Most importantly, if you are dating someone new, be stingy about your personal information.  For example, meet them somewhere else other than your home for awhile until you are comfortable with them.  This is not always foolproof for you might not find out how disturbed the person is until you break up with them.

It is a crazy world especially now for women.  The current stalker laws and restraining orders are not vigorously enforced and they do little to protect us.  We as women are constantly fighting for rights and/or the freedom to just be.  Although these people finder websites can hurt anyone, young and adult females are the ones most at risk.  This scares the heck out of me sometimes especially when my daughters have joined social websites and are pretty casual about their information no matter how dangerous it has become.

I do not always want to be the one to remind them of the dangers out there but I think we must be aware and guard against others who will use our personal information in a manner we do not approve of. We can start by finding a way to challenge those websites and even Google map quest for giving out our locations to anyone who has access to a computer.


Be cautious about giving out your information.  Keep records where you are required to submit personal information and write your congressman or women about changing the laws that allow websites to use this information against you.

Blessings of safety and enlightenment



Rosie